Look at this land mans created,

naturalabuse87 @ 2006-09-16T02:53:00

2006-09-16T06:54:34Z

I have a new livejournal. npon

naturalabuse87 @ 2006-01-17T09:49:00

2006-01-17T14:52:01Z

Aside from the reoccuring headaches that I have had this weekend - everything was awesome. It had beena while since I had partyied with everyone and I had a lot of fun.

Things do seem a little weird. For some reason I feel tension between people. I don't know if it's just me being over-analytical.. but things just seem different. I don't feel like I know any of my friends on a personal level anymore. Does anyone feel this way, or is it just me?

Days go by really fast but weeks go by really slow. I feel kind of restless. I always feel bored, there really isn't anything to do about it either.

I wanted to write a long, elaborate post for you guys to read but, I'm afraid this is the best that I can do to sum up my feelings.

Ehh..

naturalabuse87 @ 2006-01-09T23:00:00

2006-01-10T04:01:48Z

http://www.funlol.com/funpages/worlds-biggest-zit.html

naturalabuse87 @ 2006-01-04T09:58:00

2006-01-04T15:00:49Z

Tell me the fondest (or a couple of the fondest) memories you have had with me.

I'll comment back telling you mine!

..................

2005-12-16T04:53:24Z

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Feminism/feminism_is_evil.htm

naturalabuse87 @ 2005-12-08T16:20:00

2005-12-08T21:22:28Z

I've never felt so sick in my life.

I'm sorry Caysie that I didn't come over. I did not have a ride and it was raining. I love you and I need to talk to you as soon as possible if you can call me when you see this.

Most beautiful sunrise ever vs. before the apocolypse?

2005-12-07T17:03:17Z

Personality Crisis?

2005-12-05T15:45:01Z

For some really weird reason, I feel uncertain with my life. I feel like all I do is consume and produce nothing. I have been realizing also - that I am a very bad procrastinator. My life consists a lot of the same things day by day, and I hate it but I can't seem to get of of the old routine. My emotions and feelings towards things have been changing - I feel pissed of yet restless now as opposed to being sad and depressed. A few entries back I wrote about how crazy I thought it was that human emotion can fluxiate so rapidly. All of the good is in no comparison close to the negative but, the good sticks out so much more. I want to make my life filled with positive emotion and little frustration. I can't tell if it is me overreacting that times are changing or if things really are getting bad.

I don't know, none of this probably makes since. I just felt compelled to try to project what I have been thinking about a lot lately. If I seem distant, it's nothing personal. It's just what I'm going through.

On a better note, I'm almost halfway done with 1984 ( I haven't been reading as much as I want but, hey it's better than nothing!)
I'm about to go to Woodland's with my mom.
7 Months on Thursday.

naturalabuse87 @ 2005-12-01T11:30:00

2005-12-01T16:28:49Z

I want a pen pal/ pals.

I hand washed my hoodie today.

2005-11-29T17:34:37Z

That shit was filthy. There was black specs on the bottom of my sink when I went to drain it out. I guess thats what you get for not cleaning sweaters for 5 months.

lol

2005-11-25T18:11:05Z

The Central Florida Hardcore forum/message board has got to be the funniest fucking thing that I have read in a long time.

naturalabuse87 @ 2005-11-22T00:03:00

2005-11-22T05:05:43Z

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THIS WEDNESDAY.

I GUESS THE COOKING IS AT SAM'S HOUSE.

My mom is still iffy about cooking here on Saturday since her and my Dad will be home so as soon as I know about that I'll let you guys know.

naturalabuse87 @ 2005-11-21T11:49:00

2005-11-21T17:29:05Z

So, I haven't updated this thing in a pretty long time. Not too much is happening. A lot of resting, listening to Nile and hanging out.

ATTENTION TO FNB COOKING ATTENDEES: PATTI WILL BE HOME ON WEDNESDAY. That means all of the following.. No cursing, no drug references, no drugs, no loud punk music, no dick jokes, no bad talking God or Bush and anything fun that we normally do.
Sorry guys, I was pretty disappointed when I found this out too. =(

I have been reading a lot lately and I just finished God and the State by Bakunin ( if anyone wants to borrow it, let me know) and now today I started 1984. My goal is to read atleast one book a month. Any suggestions?

I'm getting back into making stencils and it fucking rules. I want to learn how to make layered stencils -I know LIZ knows how... so she should help me.

Anyway, I don't know what else to write.. I fuckin' fuck at this shit.

Relax, it's only paranoia!

2005-11-08T05:34:25Z

"Feel a little numb? Feel a little tired?
Your brain's asleep and your body's retired
You've learned to fit in. OBEY!
You're just a shadow of what you used to be."

Consume, mother fuckers.

2005-10-11T04:12:22Z

Unbrand america

naturalabuse87 @ 2005-10-02T10:19:00

2005-10-02T14:18:41Z

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

The Dive pt 1.

2005-09-24T04:26:59Z

So, I was "tagged" by Caysie and that means I have to post 20 things about myself.

1. Sometimes, I think that I'm crazy.
2. I'm pretty sure that I have OCD with dental hygiene and things being organized. I clean my room everyday.
3. Lately, I've been listening to some pretty different music.
4. I'm very indescicive.
5. I don't like when people know how I am feeling.
6. I'm trying to start not getting worked up over dumb shit.
7. I like meeting new people, even though I'm really shy.
8. I don't forget things easily at all.
9. I contradict myself.
10. I like to just lay in my bed, listening to music.
11. I love to write but, I haven't done it in about 3 months.
12. I go through phases and spurs of creative streaks.
13. I can get jealous.
14. I think hands are the most fascinating part of the human body.
15. If I were to be reincarnated, I would be a bird or cloud.
16. I would like to start keeping a journal.
17. I have a true fear of my house being broken into.
18. I hate living with my parents.
19. I only go to school for one period.
20. I like to party.

I tag no one.

Everybody, please look.

2005-08-25T17:50:57Z

I just found the funniest thing ever. I was looking through extreamly old bookmarks and came across a picture of myself in 8th grade.

Routine machine

2005-08-24T03:51:16Z

I'm tired of sitting at home.

Fuck you, I will not surrender!! I will not submit !!!!

2005-08-20T14:36:08Z

Human emotion and capability to sway from feeling to feeling so suddenly really amazes me sometimes.

I hope Tampa plans don't fall through because, I really want to go see Liz and Tamara. And plus, I need a little break from this place. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll freak out. Even if its only for a day and a half.

My room is a mess and it smells like old sweat and bad Amber inscents. The trash can is overflowing and there are bits of tissue everywhere. My cat peed on a pair of pants and random other articles of clothing are spread out everywhere.

I've got to go now, watch my 9 year old cousin prance around in make up, cheerleading uniform and cheer on a boys football team. On so many levels this is fucked up.

I know I shouldn't be upset and that I shouldn't push or expect others to agree with my beliefs but, fuck. Sometimes it just overwhelms me that so many people are apathetic. So many people know and feel that things are unjust, but just accept the fact that it's that way instead of changing( or attempting to atleast) them.

Ugh..

Oh yeah, Fuck Nike. And mainstream rap, rock, and pop music.

I've never felt this good while menstruating, seriously!

2005-08-17T15:28:51Z

Yesterday I did a new yoga video (Jono gave it to me because it was just sitting in his house) and it is pretty intense. I like it though. I will do it atleast three times a week, that's my goal. I also went on a bike ride for the first time in a long time yesterday as well, and that was awesome. Even though I was just riding around my neighboorhood - it felt good to get out and see the clouds!

I just made a really good salad. I love cooking but, when it turns out awesome.. it's a lot more rewarding. I heated up marinated(basalmic vinegar, red wine and a little of olive oil) tofu Jono's mother made for me and cut it into thin slices and put it on spinach leaves and romain lettuce. I cut up tomatoes, onions and muchrooms. Put salt and pepper on them. Put them on the skillet and added a little italian dressing. Then I put it all together and it ruled.

I'm done with class and it's 11:22.

I have a little of a stuffy nose.. it sucks but oh well.

I lost my retainer and I have to clean my room and search for it or my mom said I have to by myself a new one? Awesome.

Everyone is back from Philly and that's pretty cool. I can't wait to see them.

Food Not Bomb's today - I'm gonna make noodles.

If anyone knows of cool recipes or art projects - tell me. I'm not inventive at all.

"The self-riteousness of judgement is something that no human being
has the luxury to pass. Every single one of us survive at the expense
of other living things. Although our very existence contradicts our
effects our struggle is still relevant in relieving the burdens that
we create, but our involvment is based on individual beliefs and
ambitions. Hope needs to be nurtured, compassion and understanding
will not grow out of scrutiny. Encouragement and tolerance is the
only way that activism will evolve from indifference."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT:

Dear Guys,

Murder my mom. Look at the picture I made http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v324/fuckyourbombs/FUCKINAWESOME.jpg

Fuck your Xenophobia

2005-08-08T20:47:27Z

I think it's funny how so suddenly I will get urges to make long posts on Live Journal.

So, I get in these moods where I critque and question everything I am and believe in. Not in a bad way, I guess that I'm just keeping myself "in check" - if that makes any sense. Unfortunatly, a lot of the times I get really insecure and uncomfortable to go out - I'll stay home for three days straight, just thinking, listening to music, reading, writing, etc. I've felt really weird these past few days though. I felt really restless. I felt disapointed about a lot of aspects of my life. I've always been a procrastinator and a lot of the times when I start things - I stop because it doesn't interest me anymore. After so long of thinking low of myself in that are - I realized, "This is my life, and I can do what I fucking want to do with it. Why am I letting others 'standards' effect my actions?" I'm tired of sitting back and not really speaking up, just letting things pass me by and just accepting everything.
It's a new school year - and I'm actually excited. I only have to attend Boone for one period and I'm taking Photo. All of my classes online are rather easy and I can do them on my own pace and I don't have to put up with the bullshit drama and biased teachers. I hope it continues to go as well as it did today. I woke up, went for one period, caught the bus (I have like 15/20 minutes and I just read), came home and did class for an hour or two, made lunch, did class for another hour or so (I was done around noon and I started around 9 30), waxed my hair, did yoga, swam, and hear I am now!
Home has been really hectic and annoying lately. Don't get me wrong, it always is but, it's been extra fucking dumb. My mom called me three times today and texted me 5. We got in an argument because I am riding the bus somewhere, other than having her come home and take me. It doesn't make any sense.. But then again that's coming from someone who shakes their head and sighs when I tell them they can recycle their pizza boxes instead of throwing them in the trashcan. My dad is barely ever home, and when he is we don't speak more than 5 words to eachother (or he is drinking, drunk or asleep). It's fucking weird, I can't wait until I can get out of here. They have always doubted me, put down my beliefs and attempt to make me feel bad for being anti social. They say, "when the day comes where my friends won't help me, I'll regret not wanting to have anything to do with them".
It just hit me that I leave for Boston in a month tomorrow. Also, it will be my 16th birthday and I will be dating Jono for 4 months. I can't believe that shit. I remember a year ago going to court. Time flies. It's weird how things change so much in so little time.
Tomorrow is 3 months. <3
So, I need to start taking intiative and working on things I want done. Including work for the feminist group! The activism in Orlando is really picking up. We are trying to start a lot of new things, and for me.. I will be taught a lot of new things. I can't wait.
I'm vegan but, there are times when I feel really out of shape and unhealthy. I need to start eating three meals a day instead of a bunch of random snacks and whatever I can find that's conveinent. I also want to start riding my bike. AND I NEED TO STICK WITH DOING YOGA ATLEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK. I need to work out, I need to start doing my breathing exersizes again, I need to start taking care of my skin, I need to start making sure I take my vitaminds everyday and the most important is I need to start drinking more water.
I'm in the process of reading The Hot Zone. I read random things here and there. I've been writing and really absorbing what I learn from books.

Well this was kind of useless but, oh well. it felt nice to get it all out!

I'm off to Kaley's.

There are a lot of pictures.

2005-08-01T02:29:17Z

The veiw from the balcony was really pretty.

This is what happens when you don't wear your retainer. And yeah, when I get sun my freckles come out.

The first day we got there, we went on walks and colored.

We fell asleep holding eachothers hands.

Cheack the awesome cat pajamas,

I'm nothing but a 5 year old in a 15 year old body.

The second night, there were awesome rain clouds.

My mom and her friends went out to eat so Jono ordered pizza and I got an eggplant sub.

Artsy, aint it?

More freakin clouds.

Coffee

Hahahahahaha sup hottie with sweet teeth

We stayed up all night long last night. We talked out on the balcony for 6 hours. Watched the thunder clouds and talked. We went on a walk and sat on the beach as the sun rose. We came back at 7 or so and fell asleep next to eachother.It was so relaxing. The beach is a lot prettier at night.

just another fucking slap in the face...

2005-07-28T23:56:19Z

I'm really stressing out. Which is weird because every morning I've woken up this week, I've felt wonderful.
I'm anticipating my trip to the beach, I've been stuck in this fucking house for about the past 2-3 months. Not only do I get to go spend time at the beach but, Jono gets to come. Three days and two nights with him there is going to be radical. Hopefully I'll get a clear mind because right now I feel like I'm going to explode.
Online class is going extreamly well, so that's a plus.
I leave for Boston in 43 days.
I got a new skirt and shirt today and they are really comfortable.

"..."for no longer we look around for outside satisfaction but only to ourselves."

I don't know how much more I can take.

2005-07-16T18:15:26Z

I went outside to help my parents put the pool together, as I walk up my father says...
"Are you staying here all week?"
Confused with what he said, I ask "What?"
"Are you staying inside all week?"
Still confused with what he was trying to say, I said "No..."
"Well, before you leave you need to get some razor action going on."

So, I can not leave to go to Caysie's until I shave my arms and legs. Not to mention I had to pluck my eyebrows so my mom would stop bitching at me.

I just don't fucking get this shit.

Can someone please explain to me why my parents are so fucking ignorant? Can someone please come get me out of this hell hole?

Last night, on the way home my father made two of the most racist - stupid fucking redneck comments. One, of which offended my boyfriend. I was so embarassed I almost cried.

I CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT HERE.